Candice with an I (supersyncspaz7) wrote in brandnew_soul,
Candice with an I

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But For My Fool: fanmix (non-icons)

Wow. Long time, no post, but I digress! This mix was made for Round 19 at waywardmixes, which is themed "Meet the Mixer". I went back and forth over how exactly to put this thing together--should I use the meme format, or go with what I feel represents me the most, songs that marked big life moments, or...? You know. That kind of thing.

I got inspired by this quote from Theodore Rubin, and went with what songs I felt encapsulated the best and worst in me. In the past few years, I've been trying to become more comfortable with myself, and to embrace my faults and my positives, so that quote's become a mantra. And this is, more or less, the soundtrack to that mantra. Yay? Yay.

Now with commentary!


Underdog, Lisa Loeb
I am the underdog
I am the last in line
Don't be the enemy.

I still remember the jolt I got the first time that I heard this song--it was like, Damn, that's me! I feel like I've always been the one who's a little on the fringes of things, and when I'm friends with someone or into someone, I want them to feel the exact same way back.

Pure Imagination, Maroon 5
There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be.

I've wanted to write and tell stories in some way, shape, or form since I was about six. Sometimes I kind of check out of the mundane and imagine everything that I want to be doing, or all the fictional worlds that I want to be a part of. One of my favorite parts of the song is if you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it, anything you want to, do it; want to change the world, there's nothing to it. It's dreamy and kind of optimistic, and this version is kind of low-key and mellow and I love it. (That line is also where I got my Tumblr username from.)

Miniature Disasters, KT Tunstall
And I need to be patient
And I need to be brave
Need to discover
How I need to behave
And I'll find out the answers
When I know what to ask
But I speak a different language
And everybody's talking too fast.

Because even though I'm way past high school, I feel like I'm playing at being an adult and act awkwardly and tend to feel that everything is a second away from disaster.

Not Like the Movies, Katy Perry
I didn't feel the fairy tale feeling, no
Am I a stupid girl for even dreaming that I could?
If it's not like the movies
That's how it should be, yeah
When he's the one, I'll come undone
And my world will stop spinning.

I am a hopeful romantic; I think I have been since I was a kid. Which is awful, because I have always had bad luck on the romance front. Even so, and even though I'm old enough to understand that love isn't strictly as it appears in the realms of Disney flicks, I want to feel that movie-perfect rush and just know, if that makes sense.

Mad Season, Matchbox Twenty
Do you think you can cope?
You figured me out
That I'm lost and I'm hopeless
I'm bleeding and broken
Though I've never spoken
I come undone in this mad season.

I feel stupid, but I know it won't last for long = my relation to anxiety. Yeah. I was diagnosed with anxiety in my third year of college, and it's funny how, after getting that diagnosis, I was able to look back at particularly bad spots and go, "Well, that makes sense now." It also helps when I feel that spiraling feeling coming on, and I can tell myself to try to get a grip... but sometimes that doesn't help, and I still hit rock bottom and I don't know how to explain it to people, or they just don't get it.

Sober, Kelly Clarkson
And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me.

And "Sober" is the flip side of that spiraling sensation. It's pulling myself back together, and acknowledging the progress made. Progress isn't always something major, but that's all you need: something. Realizing that has made me feel a little less like an unproductive lump, and that's important.

Gonna Get Over You, Sara Bareilles
I'm not the girl that I intend to be
I dare you, darlin', just you wait and see.

This song's mostly about getting over someone, which is something that I'm really used to. It took me a long time to get over this one guy recently, who kind of messed me up. (How much? you ask. Let's just say that if I could write all my own music, I would create a triumvirate with Adele and Taylor Swift when it came to singing about love lost and/or completely ruined all about that one guy.) But I've always liked the line I'm not the girl that I intend to be, because it seems like a great declaration: "I'm still working on myself." I'm a work always in progress. So getting over is hard, but you have to work at it, like you work at becoming a better version of yourself than you were before.

Am I the Same Girl, Dusty Springfield
I'm the one you hurt
And I'm the one you need
I'm the one who cried
The one you used to need
But you are pretending you don't care
But the fire is still there
But we are no longer too young
To love each other this way
Am I the same girl?
Yes I am, yes I am.

Kind of related to That Guy who Messed Me Up--and not, at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I am more or less the same person I was when I was twelve, or seventeen, or twenty-one: still vulnerable, starry-eyed, and into boys (or men) who are just not into me. I have changed a lot--I'm more mature, I've got responsibilities, I've been through some crap--but okay, my worldview is more or less the same, I'm still super-enthusiastic about the things I love and I still like happy pop music and cute guys.

At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used to Be), fun.
C'mon, can you count all the loves that didn't last?
It's such a gas when you bring up the past
Baby, put your name down on a piece of paper
I don't want no savior, baby, I just wanna get it out
Oh oh, oh
At least I’m not as sad as I used to be.

You know how people bring up your past sometimes, and you have moments where you cringe when they talk about old things, even though you kind of miss it a little bit, even though it made you miserable at points? YEAH. This is me at points when I have those occasional brush-ins with people. I try to play it off with humor, and say that I've grown since then, but, well... it's still frustrating.

Something to Believe In, Parachute
You say, "keep my head from going down"
Just for a little, just for a little
Watch my feet float off the ground
Just for a little, just for a little
Love, if you can hear this sound
Oh, just give me something, something to believe in now.

I'm an optimist. More cautiously so than anything, but I'm an optimist. It's what keeps me alive and going; this belief that there's still good to be found if you believe in it. I'm always trying to find that, among other things.
Tags: fanmix, non-icons
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